dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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