I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We need to get me chipped asap
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
