i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
