After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
