Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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