Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize