Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
