Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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