I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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