I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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