just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize