There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
