Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
