Cold hands, warm shart.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
