There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
