she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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