i think my mom watched the whole time
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
