chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize