In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
