I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
