I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What a dumb baby whore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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