Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
