god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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