Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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