Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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