I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
