I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
