this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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