I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
