So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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