he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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