the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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