I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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