Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
