i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
