I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
