it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
