K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
