11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Randomize
