Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
