Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
