Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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