i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
