i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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