You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
