Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
