We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
