Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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