Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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