I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
