I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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