We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize