i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
