Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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