Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
