There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
