if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
