Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
