You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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