Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This house was built for laser tag.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
