Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
