I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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