Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
