It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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