What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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