We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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