Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
