Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
