I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
