her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
